I am supposed to be doing reading for uni.... I'm sitting in my brother's room - at his desk and just getting very distracted from reading about how development theory has morphed into development studies. I am slightly flummoxed by the fact that I can't think of how to set up this stupid blog - and then thinking 'well, why did i want one anyway?'.
I think I wanted one to help me to understand who I've become after the year that has (almost) changed everything. The year from hell. The year in Canberra. The year that has turned into more than a year.
I can't seem to be able to wait the 5 weeks til I get my Sydney self back. Even though my Sydney self is going to be different from my old Sydney self - the one that became my boring, down, not confident Canberra self who was always frustrated by the shitness of Canberra and who was fixated with 'over-coming' it like I was being all adult about it and trying not to let it beat me.
The truth is it kinda beat me. It has taken away the more interesting things about me, potentially made me more conservative than I ever want to be again. It has affected my relationships with the people I love. It has hurt my confidence in a work setting.
On top of that it is a fucking boring place that is brown not green and dry not humid and burns the shit out of my skin and harbours a whole heap of really conservative, really rascist, really sexist arseholes. There I said it. Not all the people who are there are arseholes but - but if they know what's good for them they will limit their stay before it sucks out their soul and destroys each and every aspect of their personalities and their lives.
A bit melodramatic perhaps? Not really - cos that's the way I feel - and feeling are important. You may feel differently but then that's you. You can live in Canberra for the rest of your life if you want. But you can't say nobody warned you. Cos I just did.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
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